So like the title says, I have creative ideas and always try to include my wife in discussions, but all she ever brings to the table is problems and negativity when we discuss things. She thinks she’s being “pragmatic” but it’s tremendously disheartening and the problems she imagines are always the absolute worst of the worst case scenarios. Everything I’ve ever read or watched when it comes to starting businesses is, just start and figure out the problems later. I’m well aware of the potential for difficulties in any endeavor, but tend to believe in myself and my ability to adapt and overcome. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you find middle ground, if at all?
Sorry bro, but you’re married and what happens to you is tied to your wife’s life as well. When you are single its easy to say “fuck the haters, I’ll deal with problems when they arise.” When you have someone who depends on you its a lot different.
Some business ideas and methods are dumb and are bound to fail right out of the gate. “Believing” in yourself isn’t enough to remedy that no matter how positive you are. I don’t know what your business ideas are, but any idea that isn’t proven deserves to be challenged.
His wife is going to be a constant hindrance and drag him away from his goals. If he fails she will say I told you so.
If he succeeds, she will claim and tell everyone it was because of her support he succeeded. If the business does really well she’ll take off with half.
Take all the negativity and share the profits, that’s what a marriage is now
Yeah, I’m on this side of the issue. How strong is your relationship, really? It’s not a pleasant thing to contemplate or hear, but starting and growing a new business is usually hell on relationships, and if your relationship is marginal or weak already, it may be better to decide and act on that now.
Divorce or unhappiness in a marriage is the dominant case (>50% for divorce, probably more like >75% when you factor in how many marriages are net unhappy), so real talk, with a base rate that high, most people are not currently in a relationship that is net positive and net happy and that will last. The rate of divorce when one partner is an entrepreneur is higher already, and highest still when undergoing the stress to start and grow a new business.
Given that context, seriously evaluate if she’s the right person to be your partner as you go forward, because it’s going to get 10x harder and more stressful for both of you if you actually put in the work and successfully grow your business, and if she’s fighting you already, it’s going to be five times harder to put in the work to succeed along the way.
And if your current relationship is weak in any way, the odds are that the cumulative years of greater stress will break you up anyways.
If you believe that is likely to be the case, much better to do it now before more success and more money, and then you’ll also be able to put in longer hours to grow the biz without being harassed and nagged and stressed about it.
Spotted the bachelor
How can you tell so precise what she will say?
His financial loss is her loss as well, also affects their kids (in case they have any). Talking about dreams like they are teenagers. It’s absolutely normal to discuss financial efforts that will probably be taken together, cause they are a family.
To be honest, sounds to me more like a marriage problem from the OP, not like a way of finding solutions for dealing with the business, but dealing with weather going on the same path with the wife that changes or concerns about specific aspects of the business that involves a way different life of both of them.
How can you tell so precise what she will say?
Because it sure sounds like the person above you is speaking from experience
My dads like this. Did you try putting her in rice?
I absolutely did. She dried up instantly, just like I thought she would!
Go ahead and fire her. Youre going in a different direction
If not, tell her that hey, im going to be pursuing these and i dont want you to be pragmatic right now. I know there are risks, and many ways this wont work out, and many ways this will work out. If you dknt pursue your dream you are already dead. Theres positive things ti say and see future, and negative things to say and see future. So can you give me positive ones? Ill ask you for more realistic pragmatic looks later when i want it
My wife’s been my biggest supporter and I would not be in Vegas rn on my investors dollar all expenses paid if I gave up.
Took 3 years of grueling work to get here. First time I’ve been “paid”.
Wish she was here with me. Some people aren’t cut out for the risk/reward factor.
Two things. One is there is naturally a yin to the yang in any relationships. A person speaking is open/giving and the listener is receiving/cautious. The other thing is rooted in our DNA. Men were hunters and so more likely to take risks and women were the gatherers/child rearing and less likely to take risk.
Couples counseling.
It can be a communication skills issue. How an idea is expressed is valuable. Knowing you’re with each other is key. She could genuinely be just looking out for you, but expressing it in a way that you’re not ready to hear. And… as a fellow entrepreneur, I am sensitive to any brakes on my ideas- probably too sensitive.
You’ll also need the skill to clearly communicate that you hear her and value her feedback, though you might make a different decision.
One of you will always be more or less of something compared to the other. Imagine the space is smaller and you’re usually on the same side overall. At least on the same team.
Imagine everything she says is in deep love for and with you. Like your parents. Probably forgive your parents too. And see how the advice can make your ideas better. As long as the advice isn’t personal and you aren’t enmeshed in your ideas, feedback at home is for the best! e.g. She can hate your idea, but it’s neither expressed nor perceived as, “You’re an idiot for having that idea.” Same with, “I hear you don’t like this idea [and I understand this doesn’t make you a dream-killing strumpet]”
Some people are just build that way.
My friend is one of them. He is struggling financially for last 7-10 years, I suggested him like 20,000 different ways to make money. Simple and within his skills, without any investment, yet he is always afraid of taking any step at all. He always think negatively. What if X happen, what if Y happen. His X and Y are always bigger than his actual problem. sadly after 5+ years of my attempts, nothing works. His wife gave up last year and now they going through separation.
You can see that his imaginary problems are way bigger than his real problems.
Some people focus on being “satisfied” and a few are focused on “what is possible.”
So what is your problem… exactly?
An entrepreneur accepts the fact that other won’t see the light shining on the horizon.
So what else is new?
My husband and I may cheer each other on TOO much. We both decided to be entrepreneurs at the same time. Things were going great and we quit our jobs. Things slowed down for a month- no biggie… 2 months, starting to stress and find other sources for income… 3 months, getting behind on bills, etc. Eventually we started figuring things out and making them work and it’s getting a lot better (although still not out of the side hustle phase). I said all that to say make sure you have plenty of money saved and won’t struggle financially if things go south. Even with us both trying our hardest to stay positive and supportive and motivate ourselves and each other, it put a bit of a strain on our marriage. I would also suggest telling her how you feel, and what you would like her to try to do or another way to voice practical concerns without shooting your ideas down completely. If that doesn’t work, just don’t tell her things. We had this same problem, but with EVERYONE outside of our marriage. They didn’t see things how we do, and there was no way to explain it. But we did things our own way and just stopped telling people our business and make a lot more monthly than we did at our hourly jobs. The only stress is getting caught up and getting a strong savings but it’s worth it.
Fortunately my wife is not my market, and never will be my market or represent my customers. Love her, but we are good at different things.
Entrepreneurship, at least in my world where I’ve done it for 10 years, means applying attention on the right things at the right times. Family negativity? Perhaps not an important data point.
If she is pragmatic when it comes to the business it self, you should maybe listen to outside views. We tend to hype up our own idea in our heads and only see the positives, while neglecting the negatives.
If she is pragmatic when it comes to you and your life, then I would just stop discussing stuff like that with her.
Wives be like that. If she can’t be supportive if it fails, bad wife. If she doesn’t want to be supportive, then she can lament when she sees you living the good life with someone who appreciates you.
It’s not a wife thing it’s just a human thing. Some people are just like that, nothing to do with gender. ☹️ xx
Ok wives and husbands. Jesus.
Maybe she’s right.
Lol
Maybe this is your wife’s way of telling you to stop chasing new ideas and actually do something.
From someone that’s been on both sides- She may think she’s helping you think things through. The fact that she’s thinking things through enough to HAVE complaints or worry shows she’s probably trying to see this idea fully formed in her head. There is a difference between trying to break it down and being negative. You both may need to look into different ways of communication so you both feel heard. And you might want to think about what she’s bringing up. She might just have good insight if she is actually trying.