I’d say at first my partner wasn’t 100% on board but then she realized how much effort and work I put into it. Now she’s a huge supporter and that is very much needed.

You need her on board with this or you’re not going to make it.

Sit down and have the hard talk with her. Make it a safe space for her to speak her mind. Listen to her. Take her concerns seriously.

My first startup (I was not a founder, just CTO) messed up because the CEO’s wife left him and the ensuing drama took his eye off the ball during a critical year. We missed our growth targets and our VC’s merged us with a competitor, quietly removing our C-suite in the process (I took voluntary redundancy and got paid out).

You cannot do this if she doesn’t change her mind.

Other than time commitments what have you had to cut back on that is causing the issue?

I don’t see a problem here if she is also bringing in her own income and you are meeting your previously agreed on commitments( mortgage, food etc).

She has to suck it up and realise your trying to grow something that could change your families entire life trajectory.

Keep your head up and stay focused on your goal!

https://youtu.be/Fblm8kFEZCk?si=IB0CLwmbACvxxygh

I was only able to rock the startup life after my fiancée and I separated.

No way. It won’t work

Sometimes you can’t make it work. But if you are relying on her income, you need to acknowledge that right now the work you are doing on your startup is essentially a hobby until it is making money or you get funding. A spouse is unlikely to be ok with their partner just focusing on a hobby and not contributing in other ways. So find ways that you can contribute. Do the cooking and the cleaning and other house chores, and then find time to work on your startup when you’re done with those.

Do you have kids?

Some spouses/partners are just too risk adverse to support a startup play. Do not proceed until both your career plans and partner are compatible/copasectic.

Sounds like you’re choosing your startup over your wife right now. Is that what you want?

I’m no relationship expert, but something like quitting your job and working long hours sounds like something you two should have decided on together.

I am in the same situation as you. I am also a startup founder, have been working on the side for about 3 months and my wife is the cofounder. Our plan was to lunch and run it for 3 months and see the progress before I went full time. However I was part of a retrenchment at work and this month is my last month.

It also happens that my work permit expires in 2 months and most employers won’t hire with less than 3 months work permit so I am left with no choice than to focus on the startup and some contracts from Upwork.

But my wife is in support and understands I can’t get a job yet. Also we already have waitlist with about 5 businesses, 2 of which she pitched to them and they can’t wait to start using. I guess that makes the difference for me.

But what I’ll say is have a conversation with her and also try to pitch to some customers and see if they are willing to join a waitlist, that gives you some idea of how people will perceive the product once it is launched.

Well… this IS toxic. Couples are supposed to support each other in dreams and hardships. It seems you two may not have fully discussed this before getting into it. Maybe you didn’t know yourself how much work this would represent. It is a bit late for that but you have to sit down and talk this through.

IMHO she needs to be more supportive, but you two have to be realistic about how difficult this is going to be. 9 out of 10 startups fails and it usually takes years before it starts to really pay off. If your finances does not allow you to be without an income for a while, you do need a « real » job…

Nope

Are you a first time founder? Have you been working on the project as a side hustle for some time? Is there a clear path to revenue/funding?

FYI this will only get much worse before/if it gets better.

My 2 cents:

Building a startup is something a family takes a risk on together, even if only one of the parents/spouses are actively working on it day to day.

It sounds like you were ready to take this risk and jump into it, but your wife was not. Ultimately you need her buy in if you don’t want this experience to build contempt in your relationship. Contempt is poisonous to any relationship, and the fact that you’re fighting and now not even talking about it likely creates an environment that fosters contempt.

A framework to address challenges together is vital to the success and well-being of any relationship (marriage, co-founders, siblings, teammates, etc). You all have a challenge in-front of you. It may be helpful to have a conversation that addresses not only what is important for each of you as individuals, but equally, if not more, important from the perspective of what is best for your relationship.

OP, you may have to be ready to accept the reality that your wife is not ready to take this leap. There’s also a chance she is but she will need support in a different way than you will need it as the person day-to-day in it.

Just remember, she’s your partner and you’re in this and everything together.