I love your second paragraph. I totally think it should remain in the final edit. For the start of the copy, here’s what I would recommend - start with some random fact about the wellness industry and how people have touted it to be true. Then expatiate on how the wellness industry can go a long way to make one feel better, live better and have a better quality of life.
I think it could be better. But, well done on this first try really
I love your second paragraph. I totally think it should remain in the final edit. For the start of the copy, here’s what I would recommend - start with some random fact about the wellness industry and how people have touted it to be true. Then expatiate on how the wellness industry can go a long way to make one feel better, live better and have a better quality of life.
I think it could be better. But, well done on this first try really